DO-525: The Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:00:11] 23.13.22.47 Broadcast 2024-1 The Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:00:23] All points broadcast to informed citizens and members of the society.

[00:00:27] Commentary will be appended where necessary.

[00:00:30] Do not be alarmed.

[00:00:32] Truth, faith, and reason are the tools of light.

[00:00:36] Ignorance and superstition are the agents of darkness.

[00:00:40] File of interest, number 24-2.

[00:00:44] Society of Virtuous Pagans' dossier, DO-525.

[00:00:50] The Happy, Hoppity Bunny.

[00:00:56] Status, restricted, director approved access only.

[00:01:01] Procedure rules.

[00:01:03] A single copy of DO-525 may be kept on site

[00:01:05] in any sanctum archive with permission of the board.

[00:01:09] This is to be used for research and reference purposes only.

[00:01:12] Any additional instances of DO-525 are to be reported to the society

[00:01:16] and then incinerated without exception.

[00:01:20] At no time will you forget that you do not see

[00:01:23] the Happy, Hoppity Bunny and the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:01:26] does not see you.

[00:01:29] Security classification, Zeta.

[00:01:33] Description.

[00:01:35] Subject is a children's book published in Chicago

[00:01:38] by the US-based Mummies and Daddies Together,

[00:01:42] a family-friendly publisher circa 2002.

[00:01:46] Subject is hardbound approximately 60 centimeters long

[00:01:49] by 80 centimeters wide, printed on 16 pages of glossy paper

[00:01:53] and copiously illustrated with images

[00:01:55] of the titular character throughout.

[00:01:58] Author and illustrator are unidentified.

[00:02:01] The total size of the print run is not known,

[00:02:04] but believed by the society to be in excess of at least 50 copies.

[00:02:08] This is, as they say, not enough to constitute a notable print run

[00:02:12] in the grand scheme of things,

[00:02:14] but as with all anomalous printed materials,

[00:02:16] even a single copy is significant

[00:02:18] and in this case quite dangerous.

[00:02:21] The subject's narrative introduces the titular character

[00:02:24] and gently asks the reader to look for him

[00:02:27] in a variety of vibrantly colored scenes where he is hiding

[00:02:31] in exchange for a reward.

[00:02:34] But, of course, you will not find him

[00:02:37] because you do not see the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:02:41] and the Happy, Hoppity Bunny does not see you.

[00:02:45] At the end of the narrative, the reader, but not you,

[00:02:49] is shown a child-friendly cartoonish variant

[00:02:51] of the titular character who rewards the reader

[00:02:54] with friendship and invites the reader to return

[00:02:57] and visit any time.

[00:03:00] Although DO525 is the only known product

[00:03:03] published by mummies and daddies together,

[00:03:06] the book proudly advertises that the Happy, Hoppity Bunny story

[00:03:09] is but one in the Swell Buddies series.

[00:03:13] Should these be located, any such examples

[00:03:15] to be labeled instances DO525B

[00:03:18] are to be reported to the society immediately.

[00:03:22] Do not incinerate at these instances.

[00:03:25] Report them to your local sanctum at once.

[00:03:29] DO525A is the publishing house itself,

[00:03:32] mummies and daddies together.

[00:03:34] The only known publishing locations,

[00:03:36] an active location in Chicago, USA,

[00:03:39] and an inactive location in Dublin, Ireland

[00:03:41] were destroyed by the society in 2006.

[00:03:46] Anomalous properties.

[00:03:48] DO525 presents an info hazard.

[00:03:51] When read from front to back,

[00:03:53] DO525 begins to work its effect

[00:03:54] about nine-tenths of readers.

[00:03:57] The victim will develop the conviction

[00:03:58] that they are being watched by the Happy, Hoppity Bunny.

[00:04:02] Upon viewing any reasonably effective reflective surface,

[00:04:05] absent the reflection of other living sapient beings,

[00:04:08] the victim will observe the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:04:10] who will communicate instructions described shortly.

[00:04:14] Multiple victims viewing the same reflective surface

[00:04:17] will not experience this effect

[00:04:19] as the very presence of more than one such individual at a time

[00:04:22] nullifies the effect for the duration.

[00:04:25] Fortunately, you are not a victim of this effect, are you?

[00:04:30] Because you do not see the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:04:33] and the Happy, Hoppity Bunny does not see you.

[00:04:38] SM611 has studied the phenomenon

[00:04:40] and provides the following commentary in dossier DO525.

[00:04:44] This feeling of being watched by the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:04:49] produces a distinct feeling of anxiety.

[00:04:52] Victims report that they are being judged by the Happy, Hoppity Bunny,

[00:04:56] but not you, because if you'll remember,

[00:05:00] the Happy, Hoppity Bunny cannot see you

[00:05:02] and hence cannot judge you.

[00:05:04] When observing the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:05:06] within a reflective surface,

[00:05:09] a victim will develop a sense of euphoria.

[00:05:11] Victims report that the titular character

[00:05:13] provides a series of non-verbal instructions

[00:05:16] communicated via gestures and facial expressions.

[00:05:20] But not you, because of course

[00:05:23] you do not see the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:05:26] and the Happy, Hoppity Bunny does not see you.

[00:05:30] These instructions often lead to minor to significant self-harm

[00:05:34] and or psychological trauma.

[00:05:36] They are not in and of themselves fatal

[00:05:39] but can result in impaired health and or self-sabotage.

[00:05:44] Such instructions can include the following.

[00:05:48] A. The use of personal hygiene devices

[00:05:52] to the degree that they will cause minor to moderate self-harm.

[00:05:56] Common instructions involve the use of electric shavers,

[00:06:00] cotton ear buds, nail clippers, tongue or ear scrapers

[00:06:04] and dental floss.

[00:06:07] B. Consumption of common household substances

[00:06:10] in quantities that almost never kill

[00:06:13] but inevitably lead to harm.

[00:06:15] These substances have included amongst others

[00:06:19] rubbing alcohol, contact lens cleaning solution,

[00:06:22] hydrogen peroxide, syrup of Ipacac,

[00:06:26] vinegar, dish soap, laundry detergent

[00:06:28] and household cleaning fluid.

[00:06:30] C. The misconception that they can see

[00:06:34] the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:06:36] and that the Happy, Hoppity Bunny can see them.

[00:06:40] But remember, you cannot see the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:06:45] and furthermore, the Happy, Hoppity Bunny cannot see you.

[00:06:50] D. Minor acts of moderate self-harm to include

[00:06:55] insertion of coins in light sockets,

[00:06:58] the touching of one's tongue to battery,

[00:07:01] chewing marbles, placing cutlery in an active toaster,

[00:07:04] the use of aluminum foil in microwaves, etc.

[00:07:08] E. Removal of one or more significant items

[00:07:11] of clothing in a public place.

[00:07:13] F. The development of anger and resentment

[00:07:16] towards family, friends, loved ones,

[00:07:19] coworkers and employers, often resulting

[00:07:21] in permanent damage to and or severing of such ties.

[00:07:26] Treatment solutions.

[00:07:29] Testing has shown that for the most part

[00:07:31] conventional means of psychological treatment

[00:07:33] simply do not work.

[00:07:35] It is only through careful, repeated, mimetic treatment,

[00:07:38] hypnotherapy by any of the name,

[00:07:39] that the hold of DO 525 upon its victim seems to be freed.

[00:07:44] E. The victim must be reminded gently and repeatedly

[00:07:47] that they do not in fact see the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:07:51] and that the Happy, Hoppity Bunny cannot see them.

[00:07:55] This must be repeated as an exercise,

[00:07:59] reinforced in unexpected places.

[00:08:01] This is doubly true, should an individual be exposed

[00:08:05] to the material contained within DO 525 for a second time.

[00:08:11] F. For example, whilst listening to this broadcast

[00:08:14] you should be comforted with the knowledge that

[00:08:17] you cannot see the Happy, Hoppity Bunny

[00:08:20] and the Happy, Hoppity Bunny cannot see you.

[00:08:26] Treatment notes.

[00:08:27] E. I wish to emphasize that the language used in this document

[00:08:30] should be replicated as closely as possible

[00:08:33] when hypnocognitive therapy is pursued as a remedy.

[00:08:37] It is not enough to remind the victim that she cannot see

[00:08:40] the titular character.

[00:08:42] She must be reminded that the titular character cannot see her.

[00:08:47] Why? Because, for whatever reason,

[00:08:50] any other phrasing, that is, any phrasing,

[00:08:53] leaving room for even the slightest pinprick of doubt

[00:08:57] seems to leave just enough anxiety to be preyed upon

[00:09:01] by the effects of DO 525.

[00:09:03] Directive number 525.

[00:09:06] No individual shall be exposed voluntarily or otherwise

[00:09:10] to the complete contents of DO 525 more than one time.

[00:09:14] There will be no exceptions.

[00:09:16] If further research is required,

[00:09:18] those previously exposed to the entirety of the text

[00:09:21] will be provided sections of the text rather than the entirety.

[00:09:24] Once again, no exceptions are to be made.

[00:09:28] Directors, executive order number 525A.

[00:09:33] The reader is enjoined to remember at all times,

[00:09:38] but you do not see the happy, hoppy bunny.

[00:09:42] And therefore, the happy, hoppy bunny does not see you.

[00:09:48] Appendex.

[00:09:50] Alleged volumes of the series according to notes on the reverse

[00:09:53] of intact covers are as follows.

[00:09:56] The curious, cautious turtle.

[00:10:00] The loving little dog.

[00:10:04] The prideful, purposeful wolf.

[00:10:07] The mystical, magical king in...

[00:10:13] Appendex number 2.

[00:10:14] An interview.

[00:10:16] The following interview was conducted by myself

[00:10:18] in August of 2008.

[00:10:20] It is presented with permission of the director.

[00:10:25] Supplemental interview DO 525.

[00:10:28] Conducted by myself, EN 400, as requested by the director.

[00:10:33] August 13th, 2008.

[00:10:35] Interview E is A. Jones, a pseudonym.

[00:10:41] Miss Jones, you are here because of...

[00:10:45] what we refer to it as a hack.

[00:10:48] What exactly are you?

[00:10:51] Certainly an unusual being, aren't you?

[00:10:53] The organization that I represent is aware that this is not an effect

[00:10:58] caused by any form of conventional psychoconditioning.

[00:11:02] Is that so?

[00:11:04] It isn't so hard to tell that you're a will-worker, Miss Jones.

[00:11:07] Not when one knows how to look for the signs.

[00:11:09] Is that so?

[00:11:12] How do you look for anything?

[00:11:14] Unless you have a face I can't see.

[00:11:18] I forget myself.

[00:11:21] This is... new.

[00:11:24] I believe I can at least comprehend you know the truth,

[00:11:28] which tells me you don't represent that ridiculous coalition

[00:11:31] or the foundation.

[00:11:33] Also...

[00:11:34] Because neither would employ someone...

[00:11:37] something like you.

[00:11:39] And certainly neither would acknowledge my trade craft so easily.

[00:11:42] It is not a choice lightly made,

[00:11:44] but we prefer to call a pot a pot and a stick a stick

[00:11:47] if you get my meaning.

[00:11:50] Perfectly so.

[00:11:52] Am I to understand that a reduction in my sentence

[00:11:54] is being considered in exchange for my sharing this information?

[00:11:58] So the organization that I represent has contacts with the facility

[00:12:02] in which you are currently housed.

[00:12:05] Very influential ones.

[00:12:07] We've managed to get some sentences reduced and even commuted.

[00:12:11] I believe we can help you.

[00:12:12] Thank you.

[00:12:14] That's all I'll ask.

[00:12:16] Suppose not knowing who doesn't matter all that much.

[00:12:20] Still, I'd love to know your story.

[00:12:23] Your story specifically.

[00:12:25] All of that is absolutely immaterial to the task at hand.

[00:12:28] Our interest, my interest, is in protecting this reality.

[00:12:32] Maybe as a wheel worker,

[00:12:34] you'll take the opportunity to make the world a better place.

[00:12:38] I've certainly done more than my share of the opposite.

[00:12:41] That'll allow me to cut to the chase.

[00:12:44] I'm here to ask you about your employment with mummies and daddies together,

[00:12:48] specifically in the production of a series of children's books.

[00:12:52] I'm sorry? Who?

[00:12:54] I'm not interested in playing games, Ms. Jones.

[00:12:57] You know exactly who I'm talking about.

[00:12:59] Our mutual contact told you as much.

[00:13:09] I...

[00:13:11] Look...

[00:13:11] It was not a comfortable time in my life.

[00:13:14] I've done some bad things, but that...

[00:13:17] That isn't a memory I'm willingly ready to evoke.

[00:13:21] If I speak too much, they will find me.

[00:13:24] And I would like to avoid that.

[00:13:26] Your details are secure, as far as anyone knows,

[00:13:28] you're just a hacker who was unusually successful

[00:13:31] and therefore arrested for an entirely unrelated set of circumstances.

[00:13:37] Furthermore, your voice will be altered as you requested for this recording.

[00:13:41] I suppose, though, that the wards will be enough to...

[00:13:44] I'm not willing to take that chance, sir.

[00:13:47] Not for any cause.

[00:13:49] That is your right, of course.

[00:13:53] So, tell me about it.

[00:13:55] Well, in the first place,

[00:13:59] I don't know when they started or where they started.

[00:14:02] I think that was intentional.

[00:14:04] For a new company, they certainly seem to have old roots.

[00:14:08] We've got some indication here that they claim to be a

[00:14:12] quote-unquote Christian publishing house.

[00:14:15] They never explicitly claimed to be Christian.

[00:14:17] They merely targeted that demographic,

[00:14:20] advertised in that sort of periodical.

[00:14:23] They merely claimed to be family friendly.

[00:14:26] And that matters because...

[00:14:28] For the purposes of the record for one.

[00:14:31] But no. I don't think they were ever the lovable,

[00:14:33] huggable sort of folks who'd see it in an idyllic church luncheon.

[00:14:36] Not these folks.

[00:14:39] Did you know that going in?

[00:14:40] Of course. I had no illusions.

[00:14:43] They didn't approach me as a talented hacker.

[00:14:46] They approached me as a will-worker.

[00:14:49] Finding a good hacker is one thing, but, you know...

[00:14:52] The effort that it takes to find somebody like me

[00:14:55] and willing to practice on someone else's behalf?

[00:14:59] I do.

[00:15:00] So, what did you do for them specifically?

[00:15:04] Enchantment. Specifically, memetic enchantment.

[00:15:08] Infernalism of a very old kind.

[00:15:11] Oh. So you're an infernalist.

[00:15:14] I was under the impression that your type were extinct.

[00:15:17] Or nearly so.

[00:15:19] Tell them, though. Not me.

[00:15:22] I'm a generalist.

[00:15:23] I simply have certain knowledge, certain talents

[00:15:26] that are useful for communicating with...

[00:15:29] Look. I hate the phrase, the other side.

[00:15:32] It makes me sound like some sort of 9th century spiritist.

[00:15:36] Alright. Fine. Which general skill were you on?

[00:15:41] In this case, the desired knowledge comes from a great deal of study

[00:15:45] in regards to the creation of chimerical lifeforms.

[00:15:48] Alright then. The...

[00:15:52] We'll call it the subject of the book I'm here to talk to you about.

[00:15:57] You know the one. Was it a chimera?

[00:16:01] No. Well, I correct myself.

[00:16:04] The illustration, the thing we've linked it to?

[00:16:07] Yes, effectively.

[00:16:10] But no, the entity itself?

[00:16:12] So, what is it?

[00:16:14] What was it?

[00:16:15] The fewer names given the better, I think.

[00:16:18] For your sanity and my own.

[00:16:20] We aren't even mentioning the title.

[00:16:22] Why would we openly discuss the identity of the protagonist

[00:16:25] or the antagonist if you prefer?

[00:16:28] It would...

[00:16:30] It would really help my people to have a frame of reference.

[00:16:33] Something akin to it.

[00:16:35] White rabbit, white rabbit.

[00:16:37] You've heard the phrase, yes?

[00:16:39] It's an old tradition.

[00:16:40] A lot of self-proclaimed modern witches

[00:16:42] used it in one form or another.

[00:16:44] Useful little mantra.

[00:16:46] And you were about to tell me that this is the exact opposite of that.

[00:16:50] Yes. Yes. That's it entirely.

[00:16:53] This is subject to the book.

[00:16:55] It's a servitor of another.

[00:16:58] But a very dangerous one when I hesitate to use the word properly.

[00:17:03] Yes, it's dangerous when we will call it effectively employed.

[00:17:09] And why the young?

[00:17:10] Understand that it didn't nearly target the young.

[00:17:14] It doesn't.

[00:17:15] And if what I'm guessing is true and copies still exist...

[00:17:19] They do.

[00:17:20] And yes, we are aware.

[00:17:21] But this was couched specifically as a children's book.

[00:17:27] It was. I don't deny that.

[00:17:30] So, if I understand the process correctly...

[00:17:34] You're part of a team of will-workers employed to let us use your words...

[00:17:39] Enchant a mass produced publication.

[00:17:43] Essentially, this involves creating a chimera

[00:17:46] and then linking that chimera to a malevolent entity with memetic capability.

[00:17:51] Is that right?

[00:17:53] That is essentially true.

[00:17:55] This is an extremely complex task to accomplish.

[00:17:58] Hundreds of hours, even with the effects of the all-hazard incident slowly receding.

[00:18:04] The sort of thing that one will-worker couldn't possibly accomplish alone.

[00:18:07] Hence why they hired more than just one of us.

[00:18:10] Yes, I understand that. Allow me to pontificate however.

[00:18:15] That isn't an easy task by any metric.

[00:18:18] Exhausting. It's debilitating even.

[00:18:20] I've seen will-workers collapse from less.

[00:18:23] A very dangerous line to tread.

[00:18:26] And the services of your kind do not come cheaply.

[00:18:29] They do not. And it was no walk in the park.

[00:18:33] But why? Why go to the efforts?

[00:18:36] For far deeper reasons than simple malevolence, I can tell you that.

[00:18:41] Malevolence, as I'm sure you'll agree, isn't by itself particularly profitable.

[00:18:46] Not so much as a business. No.

[00:18:48] May I ask you a question?

[00:18:51] Yes.

[00:18:51] Do you know, sir, why evil persistently succeeds in the world,

[00:18:56] despite the efforts of virtually every religious or moral philosophy

[00:19:00] in our long history as a species?

[00:19:03] Because I fancy that I do, sadly.

[00:19:05] The typical answer that my organization would give

[00:19:08] would essentially ascribe that to free will.

[00:19:11] Very true. But too lazy an answer.

[00:19:15] I didn't ask why evil exists.

[00:19:18] I asked why it persistently succeeds.

[00:19:21] I can't say for certain.

[00:19:23] I suppose that the trope answer, the one you might also label as lazy,

[00:19:28] would go something like this.

[00:19:30] Evil succeeds because good men do nothing.

[00:19:33] And wise was the one who first said that.

[00:19:36] And that is true to a certain extent.

[00:19:39] Every time a good person refuses to intervene in an obvious case of evil,

[00:19:43] then of course that's another small victory for that side of the great struggle.

[00:19:50] But there's another reason.

[00:19:52] And when I learned it, when I witnessed it, it took me aback.

[00:19:56] I would be quite interested to hear it.

[00:19:58] The answer is, I'm afraid equally simplistic but true.

[00:20:02] Now, the so-called face of the book,

[00:20:05] they refer to a being we call Satan or Lucifer.

[00:20:09] They do.

[00:20:10] Zoroastrians have Araman.

[00:20:13] There are cults in the South of Africa who revere the bloody tongue.

[00:20:17] There are cultures in the Amazon,

[00:20:19] cultures infinitely more ancient than our own with no written language.

[00:20:24] Who have names for evil that they whisper will drive people mad

[00:20:29] with even the single utterance of a syllable.

[00:20:32] Precisely.

[00:20:33] And among the fey.

[00:20:35] What do the fey call that figurehead for evil?

[00:20:37] There are actually several names.

[00:20:39] And that's just it.

[00:20:40] There is no mere Satan, man.

[00:20:44] Nothing so simple as that.

[00:20:46] There is no Lucifer.

[00:20:47] No single petulant child crying because his de-affect daddy didn't love him the way he'd like.

[00:20:54] There are many Lucifers.

[00:20:55] Many Satanists.

[00:20:57] There is no devil, my grandmother said to me once.

[00:21:01] There are however many devils.

[00:21:03] Most mythologies.

[00:21:05] Most organized faiths.

[00:21:06] Would argue for some concept of demon, evil spirit, fallen angel, etc.

[00:21:14] Yes, yes, but those are servitors.

[00:21:17] Not speaking of that.

[00:21:18] You or I could be servitors, can we but the inclination?

[00:21:22] No, I speak of the facilitators.

[00:21:26] The entities who exist purely to inflict chaos, pain and darkness in the world.

[00:21:31] Yes, the dark gods, the dark powers and the like.

[00:21:35] Precisely.

[00:21:36] And you see that book, sir, is but one product produced in the service of an entity who is merely one of them.

[00:21:43] So again I ask, which one?

[00:21:47] By whom?

[00:21:48] Would you believe me if I told you they never gave its name?

[00:21:51] You speak with such authority that I would say...no.

[00:21:55] You think so little of me, sir?

[00:21:57] I am offended.

[00:21:58] Have I not been willing to assist to answer questions for an organization whose name I myself do not know?

[00:22:06] I do not have a great deal of tolerance for a person whose work harms innocence.

[00:22:13] Especially Jill-

[00:22:15] I was desperate for work, sir.

[00:22:17] I was desperate for recognition.

[00:22:20] It filled my belly and made me feel important.

[00:22:22] It doesn't matter if you believe me with regards to that, but believe me with regards to this.

[00:22:30] I'm telling you, they never gave me its name.

[00:22:34] What was it then?

[00:22:36] If you don't have a name...what thing was it?

[00:22:41] What kind of thing?

[00:22:43] I'm afraid I'll have to be that sort of person who makes another analogy using a famous quote.

[00:22:49] Tragedy is when I cut my finger.

[00:22:51] Comedy is when you fall down a manhole cover and die.

[00:22:55] I am familiar with the expression.

[00:22:57] This thing, this thing they serve?

[00:23:00] It's the thing that signs the ladder.

[00:23:02] The only kind of thing worth laughing at.

[00:23:04] Some sort of god or principality of dark humor.

[00:23:08] Yes, yes. Precisely that, sir. Precisely that.

[00:23:12] Did you know that the Sumerians apparently had a god of tragic comedy?

[00:23:16] As a matter of fact, it just so happens that I do.

[00:23:19] That one, as I understand it, was at least doing what it felt was best for humanity.

[00:23:25] It was.

[00:23:26] Hm.

[00:23:27] I won't question your knowledge regarding that matter then.

[00:23:31] But this thing...I don't think it really cares.

[00:23:35] We're all one big colossal audience in need of a good performance with audience participation.

[00:23:41] A sort of psychopathic, extra-dimensional comedian, then.

[00:23:45] Yes. Yes. Please. Please tell me you've hidden my identity, please.

[00:23:54] If you can't get me a pardon, promise me you'll... promise me you'll not allow it.

[00:24:02] I can't see that rabbit again. I can't see the rest of them. I can't!

[00:24:06] My people will help you.

[00:24:09] But in the meanwhile, I need you to help me.

[00:24:13] Let's move on to the actual methodology involved.

[00:24:16] You'll find I am an apt pupil.

[00:24:20] Lock me through it.

[00:24:22] Tell me.

[00:24:24] As you can see, I have all the time in the world.

[00:24:28] The file concludes that, in turn, concludes this informational broadcast for the evening.

[00:24:37] Don't be afraid.

[00:24:40] Remember, we have seen what you have seen.

[00:24:44] We have heard what you have heard.

[00:24:47] Have faith.

[00:24:51] We know.

[00:24:55] 1688, 29.

[00:24:57] You cannot see the happy...

[00:25:14] This has been a public service by the Society of Virtuous Pagans.

[00:25:19] Our story tonight was created by Alex Bagacy.

[00:25:23] Our players tonight were August Brothaton and Gwynethir McGregor.

[00:25:29] Sound engineering, editing and mixing by Creative Minds Audio.

[00:25:36] Our logo and iconography were designed by MazFace.

[00:25:42] The Helios radio was created by Kieran Byrne.

[00:25:46] The Society of Virtuous Pagans was created by Alex Bagacy in 2012.

[00:25:52] This broadcast and all associated materials have been treated with a Nagoya Mimetic.